The Surrender of It All

I love Lent.
On one level its like the total experience, holistic - a spiritual, physical , mental and emotional detox.

It’s also been historically a significant part of my walk with God. Back in the day at St. Tom's, Lent was always so powerful. There was always a Lent series, during which we'd seem to be collectively undone.

On a personal level, Lent has often functioned like the engine room of my year.
Many battles were won or lost during Lent, even if the actual outcome was months into the distance. I think its because Lent is a time to focus on surrender. It’s the stripping away, the austerity I love. I'm not saying its necessarily been a pleasant experience, because it hasn't. But in the pain of letting go and letting God, I've learned to embrace the 'worthwhile'.

Lent. The power of it all, the intensity of it all. The confrontation of it all, the wilderness of it all. The total surrender of it all.

The cultural norm during Lent tends to be to give something up. Maybe its a catch up on those New Year's resolutions. Perhaps a genuine attempt to control things in our world that tend to control us - TV, junk food, alcohol, gossip, retail therapy. Or at least place their control into God's hands.
Abstinence can be tough. It reveals the voids our mini addictions fill; it exposes the hurts that keep us entrenched in certain attitudes. And yet its not as tough as working out what to do with all we discover about ourselves by giving up something as random as chocolate, shopping, alcohol, multi-tasking for a mere 40 days.

But if we're that controlled by the world around us, the marketing messages of big companies, magazine covers, the stuff in the refridgerator - we'd like to know, right?


A norm I've come to appreciate in recent years is the discipline of taking up something. Being intentional, the discipline of engagement. On first glance, it might seem like something of a cop out. Where's the pain in the discipline of engagement? I know, I'll take up shopping this year, I will take up a new Bible study.Maybe it does sound too easy.
But then we think of engaging in forgiveness, choosing to bless instead of curse (or nurse the wound of) the one who broke you in two. Or engaging in eating, when you know you freak out about losing weight. Or engaging with relationships, friendships at a deeper level, when you find trust and vulnerabilty impossible.. Or engaging in a new mission, outside of your comfort zone, knowing it'll cost you in money, time and effort. Engaging with your kids, your marriage, your job, your singleness, anything you've checked out of and become passive about simply because its easier than facing pain. When you look at it like that, then maybe you've rather give up chocolate for 40 days instead.

40 days. Abstinence. Engagement.
Lent. The intensity of it all. The loss of it all. The facing of it all. The surrender of it all. The power of God in it all.

Saxton Spirituality

Its not uncommon that when people have children, they get a bit spiritual. Not just in the christening/baptism/dedication sense, but in a growing desire for some kind of spiritual roots. Chris and I are no exception to this, and being church leaders and all, Chris and I want to nurture our children in a Christian environment.Sunday School is an integral part of that, but we feel that primarily its our job to teach them .

I have high hopes. I imagine my children fervent in prayer on their cute little knees. I hear them singing sweet songs to Jesus, and understanding fundamental Biblical principles. Oh, their wisdom.Who knows maybe they'll even have dreams and visions and prophecies from the very early days.

And then there is reality, which goes something like this:

Worship
We generally have two "expressions" of worship. A CD and a guitar.
The CD is called Worship Jams (Seriously?) - a full of worship songs that have been souped up in one way or another. Generally made faster, bouncier and all together more hyper. Reminiscent of the "Now That's What I Call Music" (a dubious and destined to oversell/underdeliver title for a compilation series if ever I heard one) version of POP.
Zoe likes to be the DJ at these worship events, turning the CD on and off at any given moment and giggling. And bouncing. Tia dances and runs around the room, claps and jumps. Tia is quite into jumping off anything, especially if its high. So much of the worship time involves the words
"Tia get down!" and I am not talking about her dancing, though I'm proud to say she's got the moves.
Sometimes Tia runs around the room shouting "Jesus!" and collapses in a heap laughing. Then when Zoe stops the music, Tia holds a pose.
Obviously we devout Christian parents sing along looking enthusiastic whilst trying to stop Zoe from breaking the CD player and Tia from breaking her legs. Requests for songs by Barney or the Wiggles are deferred.

Guitar - well the girls love the acoustic feel. Keep music live and unplugged, perhaps even a little unhinged too. Zoe loves the guitar so has decided she will play it with Daddy. So she bangs it and hits it. Dare I dare to steer her away from it, and its like dragging a teenager away from a boyband, all kicking and screaming. Who knew of the bodyguard skills necessary for the worship experience?
Tia loves the guitar, but is content to play on her drums as loudly as possible. Suddenly her face takes on a very serious expression. "Enough!" she cries "Stop!" Zoe, having found her way back to Daddy and his guitar is not listening. I await my little one's revelation with baited breath.
Tia runs to the potty. "Got it." she says.
A few moments later, she stands to her feet and exclaims
"I did it!!"
Clearly worship times can really build the self esteem.

Prayer
We pray at meal times. We ask the girls to put their hands together as a sign that we are going to pray. You always know when you have gone on too long because you look down and see that the girls have started eating without you. Some days the hands only come together with a bit of pasta in them. But generally things run smoothly and Zoe screams "Ahhhmmmeeeeee!" at the end and the girls shout and cheer and whoop.
The special days are when we are eating with others. Chris and I pray and we end as we normally do by shouting amen and cheering and clapping. Only on these occasions, the girls just stare at us, as though we are doing something they've never seen before and are embarassed for us.

Bible
Now this we like to mix up a little. During advent, we had this advent calendar, and christmas tree ornaments of the Nativity (shepherds, star, angels, et al) and each day introduced a bit of the story and an ornament for the tree.
As far as the girls were concerned this was The Longest Story Ever Told. They were far more interesting in putting decorations on the tree and fighting over who got what. One evening Tia walked off in the middle of our God slot. She returned with her Children's Bible storybook, handed it to us and said "Read it". Nuff said.
We have these other books too. Right now Zoe and I are reading about the pig who shared his dinner with the Prodigal son. Zoe's taught me that Pig quacks like a duck.
Tia and I end each night with children's version of Ecclesiastes 3. The whole "there is a time for everything" bit. The time to live and a time to die has been exchanged (thankfully) for "A time to get muddy and squelchy, and a time to be clean and soapy". How cute is that?

So this along with car rides singing along to Soul Survivor, Brenton Brown and Chris Tomlin (with homegrown actions), thankful prayers (thank you for my broccoli, for my pasta and for my potty, and for my other potty...) and bible stories told by Pigs (prodigal son) and Ducks(who found Moses) and Donkeys (carrying the good samaritan, or hanging out with Shrek depending on our kids' moods) is our family spiritual life thus far!

A change is gonna come

Last night Chris and I watched Hairspray.
Its a fun loving, sing songing movie set in Baltimore in 1962.Tracy Turnblad is a "pleasantly plump" (her own words) teen who loves to dance and gets the opportunity to be a dancer on the Corny Collins show. Once on the show she discovers that the black kids are only allowed to dance on the show once a month. Her belief in racial integration leads her to speak out, take risks in a way that will change her live and the lives of those around her forever. All wrapped up in some groovy tunes and some funky dance moves.
Like all musical movies, Hairspray is fun and ecletic, and you wonder how these actors manage to keep a straight face while their colleagues burst into song mid dialogue. I loved the actors, John Travolta and Christopher Walken are great, and I love it whenever Queen Latifah is back.

Somewhere near the end of the film, there was this somber moment that settled on Chris and I. It didn't come down to a speech or a song. The film has these blink and you miss them moments which sobers up about the pain of racial segregation, the inevitability of change in that era, and yet the incredible resistance.
Chris started talking about Reggie, a mature African- American student he studied with at Fuller. They had a conversation about segregation once. What it was like to live in those days, every day. How it felt. Reggie talked. Chris listened.
Chris turned and said
"Sometimes we don't realise what a statement we are in this culture."

Obviously, we've had our fair share of abuse since getting together, from both black and white, though the abuse (unprintable) has consistently been directed at me. The UK had its dark days too. Signs on the doorways of rental properties etc " No Blacks, No Irish, No Dogs". Rivers of Blood and Cricket Tests. Not a pretty picture. I digress.

But we didn't have segregation.
One day I took the girls to meet Chris down at Fuller for lunch. I met Reggie and a few other African- American mature students. There's a look in the eyes of people who have lived through days you could never understand. There was a warmth in their eyes and smile. An element of suprise as they watched our little family. Who knows what they were thinking, feeling. Maybe they saw history and the future at the same time. It was only a moment, one of those blink and you will miss it moments where you have the privilege of seeing someone's soul, their life hopes and dreams in their eyes.


Our film ended singing and dancing, prophesying of a change that would come no matter what.
Democrats will choose between a white woman or a black man to lead them to the White House. A Republic African American woman is the 66th US Secretary of State. People make statements and fall in love cross culturally every day.
There is a long way to go, lots of changes that need to take place here in the US. Lots of healing, progress, equality needed - across racial divides that are not just about Black and While, but many cultures, many colours.

But a change is gonna come.